This week has been a sea of emotions. Last Saturday, I created my best party decoration event ever! And felt proud as punch! More on that once I get some photos from the paparazzi team!
But also in the same week hit probably the deepest moment of despair. It has a happy ending, but for a while we thought it was the end, even during that time we still received so much love and support my husband and I have many people to thank.
To bring you up to speed, I am indeed 5 months pregnant with our first child! We are very excited, its the next stage in our lives and we are looking forward to planning and guiding our little tyke through the joys of life :)
However this vision appeared to be cut short when on Wednesday after nearly 3 days of cramps and lower back pain, I had a massive bleed.
I mean Massive.
Blood was everywhere. I was terrified! I looked like I was "peeing" blood and there was so much of it! And I couldn't control it. I screamed out husband's name, he came running in, the fear in his eyes as he saw the blood just made that feeling of terror all the more real. First was to call the labour ward, then an ambulance, then my parents. The labour ward told us to pad up to stop the bleeding and get ourselves down to the hospital.
The ambulance came in 10mins, and the guards at the boom gates were notified and they were wonderful letting them in and guiding them to the right building!
But as they came into the bedroom, they confirmed our fears and gathered us up to take us to hospital, along with the darkest blood waste, which I had bled into my old fabric bucket.
Their calm manner and gentle questions helped both of us get through the moment and gave me something else to focus on. A quick measure of my BP, HR, temp they confirmed I was stable enough to go to hospital. In the ambulance they decided to take me to St George Emergency rather than RPA, so a 20min ride in the ambulance with Steph. thinking about our loss, crying silent tears, and to top it off the blasted cramping that started all of this hadn't stopped! That really really sucked! Every bump on the road, every stop caused stabbing pains in my abdomen and back, and all I could think about was that I read our unborn child their first book! That set off the next lot of tears. Steph and I said "Sorry" to each other, we knew it wasn't our fault, we thought that was fate, but we were both so sad to have lost the dreams we had built up in the last 5 months. We didn't want to ask any more questions, we truly were scared of the answers.
When we arrived in emergency, That was a bit of a spectacle. Everyone was there with all sorts of ailments, each person grouped into levels of danger, I was considered a Cat.3, an old Arabic lady with some rock ballad Arabic ringtone was considered a code 2 so she went before me, another had a broken leg, a few drunks, someone on off a boat... each set of Ambo guys waited with their patients, assisted the triage nurses with assessment, paperwork and waited with their patients for a bed.
I might add the Ambulance stretchers are the most uncomfortable things to lie on! Josh explained that they were hard, so if they did CPR chest compression, well the compression would work. but tell that to my lower back and bottom! And to top that off the cramps were still there and very painful. Our lead Ambo guy (who I only know as little Vi) decided that the wait was going to be a lot longer, and gave me some morphine for the pain.
My first time with Morphine, well my first time with an opiate. It was weird! he injected it into my left arm, and my right shoulder when instantly numb! Then the nausea set in, as I was warned, but then all the sounds faded and sounded so distant. I could hear husband saying "I'm here", and I was even gripping his hand, but I was so sure that I wasn't where they were! I kept say "you're far away". A session of paniked panting followed, to which I came around and worried husband and ambulance operators spent some time asking me questions to determine if I was lucid. Bad trip. I think I said I had an urge for yum cha... someone on the PA said 3617, i think i started chatting to the PA. and greeted everything in sight.
Wow! haven't even gotten to the turn around news yet.
So we get our bed in Emergency, Steph and I say thanks and goodbye to little Vi and Josh (on the Thank you list) And we meet Josephine, our ER nurse, who gets me into bed, and prepared for the doctor to come. I'm still tripping on opiates and kept thinking about Napoleon and what he would have said to Joeso, before he left for the last fight. I was sure there was a quote, but nothing was coming to my addled brain. I pondered briefly before the doctor arrived.
Now I might be drugged but I'm pretty sure she said, "if you've miscarried, why are you here?" I looked at Steph, which I note that I do alot when I don't have an immediate answer. He was swift to say that the bleeding hadn't stopped when the ambulance arrived. Plus I didn't know what happened after someone miscarried. In all the dramas it stops with the wife weeping in the husbands arms with sad violin music, then they cut to the next scene were the husband is walking outside with a friend to work out his emotions... (Okay I watch too much TV)
But I will forgive this doctor as she also said that with the placenta previa that I was diagnosed with it could mean that i had only had a serious bleed and not a miscarriage!
My god! there was hope! I bit back a sob of relief, we were so sure it was goodbye, we wouldn't hold up our hopes so we waited for a ultrasound specialist to come down and check, and when the doctor looked up from the screen with a smile and nodded, Steph and I cried so hard, but this time with relief and joy.
The road seemed much brighter, we called our family and told them of the news. I was checked into St George Public, and taken up to the delivery suite were a team of the loveliest people looked after me, and confirmed each time that our baby was truly alive and didn't like the ultrasound prod. All efforts were made to keep us in comfort and time was taken to give answered to all questions asked. We have a lot of people to thank! Which brings me to the reason for this post
I made a card using the Silhouette software. - its a neat little cutting printer, you can cut intricate designs out, or simple ones like mine, to make cards, decorations, gifts, scrapbooking etc...
so if you would like a copy please inbox me and ill share it with you, love needs to be given more frequently and even if its a silly card, its worth the effort!